Tel. +44-7903-100-887   mari@counsellingroom.org 

The Counselling Room
January’s Blog Page
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Mari
Why do counsellors always have to drag up the past?
This is something I hear a lot and I can understand why people may not see the relevance of the past when they are upset about something that happened at work last week.  Each of us is unique.  From our earliest moments, we observe everything that we see and hear and everything that we see and hear is, of course, normal to us.  We develop our self value according to our interactions with others and develop a core belief about ourselves that can affect us for the rest of our lives.  If we are told to be a ‘good girl/boy’ for Mummy then this would imply that we should be compliant and we may then find it hard to complain or stand up for ourselves.  Similarly, if we are told that we are ‘bad’ or ‘stupid’, this can become our identity and stops us from believing that we are capable and worthy of the things we would like. I expect we can all remember something that was said at primary school that still lives with us!   To show how deep seated these early values can be, you may remember going to play at a friend’s house when you were young and how very shocking it was to discover that you were allowed to eat sweets before tea (or that you weren’t). So you can see how talking about early experiences is a very important part of counselling.   Knowing your early experiences will help me to understand you better and how these have shaped your view of the world, your place in it and also the internal pressures and expectations you put on yourself. So when you come to see me about your anxiety around your forthcoming appraisal at work we can take into account the difficulties you had at school and your feeling that your parents never praised you and that nothing you did was ever good enough. Whenever I meet a new client I always go through their early life as I feel it is so important. This would not mean making my client relive every painful detail in great depth, it would be no more than about 5 minutes, I call it ‘a quick trot’.  It is surprising how often my clients start to see for themselves the roots of their issues.  This helps them to realise that their self identity is not fixed and that positive change is possible. So next time you hear that counsellors ‘drag up the past’ then you will understand the reasons behind it and how beneficial it will be for your therapy.
The Counselling Room
Tel. +44-7903-100-887   mari@counsellingroom.org

 

My Blog Page
Why do counsellors always have to drag up the past?
This   is   something   I   hear   a   lot   and   I   can   understand   why   people may   not   see   the   relevance   of   the   past   when   they   are   upset   about something that happened at work last week.  Each   of   us   is   unique.      From   our   earliest   moments,   we   observe everything   that   we   see   and   hear   and   everything   that   we   see   and hear   is,   of   course,   normal   to   us.      We   develop   our   self   value according   to   our   interactions   with   others   and   develop   a   core   belief about ourselves that can affect us for the rest of our lives.  If   we   are   told   to   be   a   ‘good   girl/boy’   for   Mummy   then   this   would imply   that   we   should   be   compliant   and   we   may   then   find   it   hard   to complain   or   stand   up   for   ourselves.      Similarly,   if   we   are   told   that   we are   ‘bad’   or   ‘stupid’,   this   can   become   our   identity   and   stops   us from   believing   that   we   are   capable   and   worthy   of   the   things   we would   like.   I   expect   we   can   all   remember   something   that   was   said at primary school that still lives with us!   To   show   how   deep   seated   these   early   values   can   be,   you   may remember   going   to   play   at   a   friend’s   house   when   you   were   young and   how   very   shocking   it   was   to   discover   that   you   were   allowed   to eat sweets before tea (or that you weren’t). So   you   can   see   how   talking   about   early   experiences   is   a   very important   part   of   counselling.         Knowing   your   early   experiences   will help   me   to   understand   you   better   and   how   these   have   shaped your   view   of   the   world,   your   place   in   it   and   also   the   internal pressures and expectations you put on yourself. So   when   you   come   to   see   me   about   your   anxiety   around   your forthcoming   appraisal   at   work   we   can   take   into   account   the difficulties   you   had   at   school   and   your   feeling   that   your   parents never   praised   you   and   that   nothing   you   did   was   ever   good enough. Whenever   I   meet   a   new   client   I   always   go   through   their   early   life as   I   feel   it   is   so   important.   This   would   not   mean   making   my   client relive   every   painful   detail   in   great   depth,   it   would   be   no   more   than about   5   minutes,   I   call   it   ‘a   quick   trot’.      It   is   surprising   how   often   my clients   start   to   see   for   themselves   the   roots   of   their   issues.      This helps them to realise that their self identity is not fixed and that positive change is possible. So   next   time   you   hear   that   counsellors   ‘drag   up   the   past’   then   you will   understand   the   reasons   behind   it   and   how   beneficial   it   will   be for your therapy